Jen and I were sweeping out her basement.
"I think people go through phases of understanding God...
One when they first start to encounter Him.
Then they move into this false confidence of thinking they have Him figured out, phase two.
Eventually, we move to a place where we face serious doubts, but usually during this phase we're afraid to say anything...because we understand just how little we have figured out.
Maybe people in the last phase need to talk more than the people in phase two."
And within 30 seconds she explained my pain.
This is so true and I'm glad you were a second phaser who talked. This year I've lost touch with who God is so much that I gave up on reaching Him (not for the first nor, I suspect, the last time). This isn't input for you because you already know this but it wasn't until about a week ago that Pastor Ben Loos preached on a bit of Luke where Jesus' life is wrapping up and he know his end is near and he cries out to the people to hear and believe him and it's done in mourning and desperation, not out of anger or resentment and Ben explained that we can always know that when we do return to God that He will NEVER receive us with hesitation, anger, spitefulness, and he does not punish us for leaving (what befalls us when we choose to live contrary to His ways is another theological matter, but you know what I mean). I had simultaneously believed God so big He was indifferent yet small enough that I thought He'd take time to punish me or coldly receive me should I come running back that I'd just given up. It sounds incredibly stupid when I write it down but such are the lies satan designs for us--they not only cause ruinous assumptions about God but they also make fools of us when we admit our insecurities.
ReplyDeleteNot saying I'm "there" yet, but we're working on it.
*knew
ReplyDeleteit's a strange comfort when you realize you've been discovered, but you're not alone
ReplyDelete